Funny Friday

The date and some of the details are a little fuzzy on this one (meaning Sam and I disagree on them), but since the track record says I have a way better memory, and I am writing it, we will just go with my side of the story. It was the end of summer three years ago (August ish). It was later in the day and finally beginning to cool off. We were driving from Provo up to Orem, headed to the Thornes (a Braden family friend who Sam lived with for a month or so before Ghana) to possibly drop something off???. We were two streets away when Sam rolled down his window and I got a whiff of an awful smell.

We were still dating so we weren't as comfortable with that sort of thing as we are now, but we had been dating long enough were it wasn't completely foreign territory. I looked at Sam and asked him what that smell was (I was much more naive and didn't blame him as quickly as I do now). He got this scrunched up, intrigued look on his face as he sniffed the air to get a better idea on my inquiries. Then he got this total look of disgust on his face, and I knew he smelled it too. I remember a whole lot of "Oh man, that is disgusting", and "what the heck is that", and even an "oh man, there must be a dirty diaper outside of the car because that smells fresh, and I think I ran it over!" All of these sayings sounded innocent and guilt free, and made me laugh a lot, possibly too much. Because after drinking my huge slurpee there was too much liquid in my bladder and despite my pleas for him to stop making me laugh, he didn't, and I inevitably lost control and peed my pants.

Now this wasn't a little wet spot pee; this was a full on peed my whole bladder out, you could easily see it everywhere, I need to go home and change RIGHT NOW. By this time we are about one street away and I plead for him to just take me home as he hands me a towel from the back seat to sit on so I don't ruin the upholstery in brown. He tells me he is just going to run in really fast and get the errand finished as he parks the car and runs up to the house. I grumpily sit there in my waste for a few minutes kind of embarrased, but mostly just mad at this point that I am so uncomfortable. A few minutes later Sam walks out of the house with brother and sister Thorne, paper towels in his hand, and looks of smiling pity from the nicest couple ever. At this point I am mortified that he told them I actually peed my pants, and I am praying they don't come over to talk to me; just them knowing was all the embarassment that I could take. I contemplate Sam's murder a few times over in my head as he and I wave goodbye and he runs back to the car.

As he gets back in he tells me he has two confessions to make, and asks me to promise not to get mad at him. I tell him what he wants to hear to get him to talk, knowing full well I am still going to get mad if he deserves it. He told me he lied to the Thornes and had told them I had just spilled my slurpee all over my lap and that is why I did not come in with him (good cover Sam, I am proud of you). His next confession, not that good of news. He tells me that smell we had smelled earlier, it was definitely him. He did not think it would smell that bad and he thought he would be able to get away with it because one of the windows in the car was rolled down. I start yelling laughing, trying to figure out how he honestly thought he would be able to get away with it when we were in a CAR. He tells me he is sorry, as I am dying laughing from teasing him so much (and I wasn't going to admit this because scientifically speaking im not sure how its possible, but I may have peed my wet pants more). I tell him don't ever try to get away with it in the car ever again unless we are driving 80mph on the freeway with all the windows down through a stinky cow town so he can blame it on them. Then I beg him to take me home, as he begs me to never tell this story to anyone; a promise that, whether or not I made, I never planned on keeping.