Girls have long hair. Sometimes the hair falls out and when it does there are a number of things that happen to it. I thought that I saw the scariest of those things when I was in college and my friend (you know who you are Jayna) showed me the biggest, gooiest, glob of hair that I had ever seen; a huge hair ball pulled from the shower drain. I can still smell it if I close my eyes and focus. It looked like Cousin Itt after a rainstorm.
Recently I have found a scarier form that long hair can take. A form that preys on one of my greatest fears. No, not a world without maple bars, I'm talking about spiders. Specifically, black hairy spiders. I have pinpointed it to the dryer. That is when the sweet smelling hairs of Terri's head are transformed into this:
Now at first this may not look like much, but just add a little bit of peripheral vision and the element of surprise and in no time your brain sees this:
It usually goes something like this. I hastily pull on a t-shirt as I get ready to go wherever I happen to be late to when something tickles my neck. That's usually when the screaming, er, I mean manly shouting starts. I prefer to think that the Terri-spiders (yes that is their scientific name,) do not "scare" me so much as "startle" me. There is a big difference.
What's important is that if it ever came down to it I would battle a thousand black hairy spiders to protect my loved ones, but I pray with all my heart that such a day never comes because, man, I really hate spiders.
6 comments:
Sam - why in the bloody hell did you put a picture of a real spider on your blog? We're imaginative - we can see the resemblance of Terri spiders to real spiders without visual aids. How the junk am I supposed to go to sleep? Come on!
Ooh I am with you there Sam! I hate, no, loathe spiders.ew ew ew. Creepy crawly and horrible! I'm glad that you don't have a real infestation of the heebie jeebie monsters :)And that spider is disgusting, I agree.
That last one was Meg, not Ben :)
Yes, I too have post traumatic stress remembering that shower hair ball. In my defense, it was also a mixture of Natalie + Jamie's hair as well. (It lost it's scariness soon after we draped it's gooey self over A1's door knob.)
We have this, as you can imagine, in our home as well. It's usually in the shower where I try to collect the hair on the shower wall (to save the drain) but then forget about the tangled knot and Tyler always ends up being "startled" by it the next early morning.
(Spiders "startle" you but you will give a mouse shaken-baby-syndrome in a plastic tote? Let us never speak of the night again.)
Sam, you're hilarious. If you close your eyes and focus you can still smell that hairball? Classic. The last part especially made me laugh!
Sam you are awesome. I think that Terri should know that Will thinks that all girls go through way to much pain to look good. He thinks that by putting hot objects - like straighters, and curling irons we are endangering our lives. Part of me totally believes him.
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